It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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