how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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