she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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