party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
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well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
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When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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