I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize