Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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