I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
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you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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