I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize