Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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