the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
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Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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