nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
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Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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