you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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