A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize