Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
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My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
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Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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