Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize