Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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