Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize