11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
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my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
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How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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