After last night, I could never be a politician.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize