There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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