I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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