You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
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My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
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Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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