soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
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Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
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I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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