I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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