Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize