My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
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I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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