I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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