i wish starbucks made bloody marys
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
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I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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