I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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