I'll bet she douches with gravy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize