Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize