I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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