Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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