Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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