I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
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I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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