brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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