yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
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The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
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Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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