Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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