6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you never un-have a 4some
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