and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do vagina's smell?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
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He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
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Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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