yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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