Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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