Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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