I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
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he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
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So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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