so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
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Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
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He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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