her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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