im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize