you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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