i wish there were pregnant emoticons
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize