too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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